samantha eileen

last night i think i dreamt that two of the jonas brothers died.

somewhere between the coffee addiction and the tylenol PM addiction i lost a few months there.
they've been quite full. included equal numbers of build ups and break downs.

been seeing a lot of wedding rings. on strangers and people who used to be.
learning to let go - or at least make the clinging look less obvious.

i've decided that i like math enough (and fear a heart attack enough) to join weight watchers and have lost 5 lbs this week. suppose i'm proud of myself for taking this route rather than what i will now charmingly refer to as my "barfcity past".

reliving a different past at the end of july. michelle, stefan and i are going to the 20 yr merge fest. (merge xx) we went to the 10 year fest together (merge 10k) in 1999. seemed only fitting that we return.

i want a swimming pool. and a shetland pony. that wears a bikini and swims with me.

guess i will settle for free concerts. (highlights this summer: polvo, superchunk w/ versus, magnolia electric co, dr dog, man man, pains of being pure at heart, grizzly bear w/ beach house, etc etc)

xo

the original goal was to update my personal website by january 1.
and to set up the etsy shop by the end of january.
at least etsy has been started. something like 6 hours old and i've sold 4 items.
buy the rest.
www.nearmoderndisaster.etsy.com

Etsy: Your place to buy & sell all things handmade nearmoderndisaster.etsy.com

i've never really been the resolution type but so much importance has inadvertently been placed on this month and the 11 following it that i'm having a hard time picking what needs to be resolved out of the lineup.
i suppose "get your life in order" sounds a bit too lofty a goal. or maybe it doesn't.

i left florida yesterday shortly after 6 am and was in new york 2 hours later. sat next to julie on the plane which was great even though we both slept most of the way. billy came over for breakfast. rode his bike even though it must have been below 30°. some people some people some people. i'm so glad to know that one. billy remains the only friend i've seen since back in ny.. i ventured off to pearl paint to buy bookbinding supplies but so far that's the only thing i've left the house for. i'm recovering from what i believe to be my 4th case of strep in 2008.. my immune system is making a mockery of me.

i rang in the new year snoring maybe. i think i lasted past the 11 o'clock hour. lying in bed listening to camera obscura - happy new year on repeat. maybe my best nye in years. i spent today binding what i thought was going to be a planner and ended up being much more a diary. i miss the daily enforced journaling of my college photo classes. before blogging, before project 365, i had a hard-bound sketchbook bursting at the seams, filled with polaroids and words words words. i'm not sure if it falls into the category of youthful longing, but i'll have that again. it won't be polaroids.. but it will feel close.

oh, and because it should maybe be posted here: (click to flickr.)

printed a book of some of my illustrations via snapfish. made a few changes.
thanks to chrissie for watching oprah so i could get that shit for free.

( before/after )

it really just hit me that this year is nearly over.

dear livejournal, i miss you and just get sad every time i think about how much i neglect you.

these days i am running on 3 hrs of sleep paired with large doses of iced tea brewed impossibly strong.

tonight i finish painting the new apartment while alex scrubs our paint mishaps from the floors.
tomorrow i attempt to finish packing so that thursday and friday's plans still hold.
thursday is janeane garafalo, eugene mirman, bobby tisdale, etc.
friday is built to spill performing perfect from now on.
saturday is the move. and the trip to ikea. and tricia's housewarming if time permits.
and after i sleep 12 hrs straight, sunday is michael showalter, fred armisen, john mullaney, etc.

this is our new house. we live on the 2nd floor. we have lions on our stoop.



back to a roommate after a year alone. i love alex and any negative thoughts about having a roommate in general are quelled by the idea of spending $500 less a month in rent. yeah, i think $6000 can shut me up pretty quickly. oh that and living 1/2 block to the lorimer L.

you know when you think "hey man if i had any more liquor in me, i'd probably make some regrettable drunk dials"??

and then you go to the store and buy beers?


it's going to be a good night.

surely there's more to write about but for now this will do. (click the image for the full set)
i suppose a lot happened this summer but i feel like it just slipped through my fingers.
in any case, goodbye forever kirk wells.

it's as if i can't think in more than one sentence updates these days.

http://twitter.com/moderndisaster

something of substance soon.
i just have to let my guard down.
oh do i ever.

FYI i'm in love. with a 19 year old girl from rochester.
julia nunes just announced a knitting factory show on july 12. if you live in new york you should go. i advise you to watch these videos as well as everything else she has posted on youtube.
xoxosam

jesus walks (kanye west)


god only knows (beach boys)


underdog (spoon)

this is the first time i've bypassed a doctor's visit and just had someone call in a Rx for me. here's to being connected. oh, also here's to strep throat.


i want to say that stuff has been weird lately but hey when are things ever not weird? THE ex will get married while i'm on the train home from work today and while i'm quite certain that it "wasn't meant to be" or what have you between us (god, that's not what this is about.), this is where i get a bit sad that no one else was "meant to be" in the past five years. i've been advised to fall in love with one of those boys and to never speak again to a few. the one who came the closest is beyond recognition at this point. an existentialist crisis and a wedding between us. safely stored across the country. just how i like my trainwrecks.

this morning as i was waiting for the train i sighed a little sigh at the fact that i hadn't seen 2 out of 3 of my subway crushes in weeks. (saw #3 yesterday. he's tall. he has a neck tattoo. he reminds me of someone else.) as the train pulled into the station, i turned to see crush #2 (blonde and terribly tall. i'd venture to say 6'9" like jeff.) standing behind me. i may have beamed a little. i spent the next 15 minutes standing too close to him on the train. we've never spoken though i once wrote a missed connection about him. i swear one day i will learn how to talk to people! by which i mean hit on boys on the train. i should ask antonio for pointers. he's a creep like that.

i. am. ridiculous.

you love it.

samuel and i were talking summer songs last week so i made a somewhat ridiculous summer mix for stephy who i won't see all summer because she'll be in canada with her dear boyfriend. this is the cover.

i only used songs with the word "summer" in the title... the mix would have been better if it were just summer-themed and not specific on the wording. though i'll have to say that the future bible heroes transition into of montreal is brilliant. also, i don't think i ever listened to that of montreal song before... it was in my itunes. oh. and only one beach boys song. wtf.

i've gotten terrible at updating this thing because most of my life shouldn't be talked about but i still take photos every day and hey here is evidence of my existence over the last month or two. (clicking will take you to flickr.)

the rest of us fly out tomorrow.

not to be overdramatic (okay, to be overdramatic...)

hey it sure beats what i'm writing in the locked posts.



Dismemberment Plan - Respect is Due

Well I only call you darling
Cos I know how much it bugs you
And darling, some habits are so hard to break
Think condescension is sexy?
Well, that's your mistake to make
So I learned about my power
And learned how not to say it
And I learned that I have things some people need
And no, I know it's not healthy
But it sure beats giving you the lead
If I ever would let down the walls
That protects me from you
I would say respect is due
But not in this lifetime
So maybe I'd have loved you
So maybe if you loved me
And maybe the Easter bunny exists
It's all the same to me now, dear
Yeah, but don't think I don't have those old lists
Now the guns are tired
Shoot bullets in slow motion
And all the soldiers have all gone home
And that's too bad
'Cos it was such a nice war, dear
Yeah, but it's time to leave well enough alone.
If I ever would let down the walls
That protects me from you
I would say respect is due
But not in this lifetime
Well I only call you darling
Because I really mean it
Don't take my word for it; I wouldn't take yours
And yet I know it's not healthy
Yeah, but it sure beats picking at age-old sores
So bon voyage, my darling
It was real good knowing you
That's French for "have a good trip" if you didn't know
'Cos condescension is sexy
And I don't know why, why you wouldn't think so
If I ever would let down the walls
That protects me from you
I would say respect is due
But not in this lifetime

so i still update flickr a lot even if i don't post about it.
go comment on my photos.


p.s. life is pretty good despite sometimes feeling like i'm losing it. the past month has involved just the right mix of whiskey, metal, skater boys, puppies and cupcakes. actually maybe not enough of 4 of those things. certainly enough whiskey. but let's double the others for next month.

if i posted as often as i'd like to, the entries would be a mess of bullshit about random events and various people that i either care too little or too much for.
something like:

i like you too much. i can't stand you. i think about kissing you every time you're in a fifty foot radius. i can't wait until you're just gone from my life. go go go go go. i wish everyone would just stop talking to you. yes the sex was bad. oh good god just dump your girlfriend. please stop calling. hey this is me throwing baby temper tantrums. eat eat eat drink drink drink puke puke puke cry cry cry cry cry sleep. naked girls naked girls naked girls. police sirens.

yeah aren't you glad that's not the case?


in other news, i think i'm losing it.